The opinions of this blog are those of the author, Drew Stewart, and do not necessarily reflect those of the management of WACH or its parent company, Sinclair Broadcasting Group.
COLUMBIA (THE UNDERSLEPT, DAMAGED & DEVIANT IMAGINATION OF DREW STEWART)
At noon, a gang of feral cats are taking over the State House.
Immediately after, their alpha male, Mittens, will be sworn in as dictator for life.
His first executive order will be ordering Attorney General Alan Wilson to file a lawsuit against British-comedian Ricky Gervais for copyright infringement for using and mispronouncing the name of one of Columbia??s major thoroughfare.
Dictator-for-Life Mittens will then formally declare that North Carolina is actually an ingrown hair on the head of the Palmetto State.
In Ukraine, Ric Flair will challenge Vladimir Putin to a ladder match for control of the Crimea.
President Obama will order Jar-Jar Binks from Star Wars Episode I as special emissary to the region which will settle nothing since Jar-Jar is a fictional character.
The guys from the Sonic drive-in ad campaigns will be forced to ride out of town on the bath-tub mobile ridden by Joe Pinner in the Bath Fitter ads.
Everyone will show up on Maury knowing their entire lineage.
Everyone, including Bill O??Reilly, gets signed up for health care using the official Healthcare.gov website.
USC President Harris Pastides finally admits his last name actually rhymes with ??Roll Tide.??
Tonight, Johnny Carson will come out of cryogenic freezing and settle the late-night TV battle once and for all.
HAPPY APRIL FOOL??S DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMILE! IT??S A JOKE EVEN IF THEY ARE ALL BAD.